A Journey to Known Egg Donation: Meet Max

4th Sept 2023

SurrogacyUK

Welcome to the first instalment of our blog series following Max, a remarkable individual who has walked the path of surrogacy and is now embarking on her journey as a known egg donor with SurrogacyUK.

Max’s story offers invaluable insights into the world of surrogacy and egg donation, a path she has chosen to better the lives of families dreaming of a child of their own. From the challenges she has faced to the love she has spread, her narrative is nothing short of inspiring.

If Max’s story touches you and you feel motivated to explore known egg donation, learn how you can join us.

Introduction and general background

Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

Hi! I’m Max, I’m 27 and I work as a teaching assistant by day, but am also studying for my degree to become a teacher.

I’m lucky to live right on the beach in sunny Margate, with my amazing little boy who is 5, and my partner, Kieran, who has been my rock and biggest support through my surrogacy journey.

I had always felt like something was missing and I had explored endeavours such as midwifery, training as a breastfeeding consultant, nannying (at one point for a family of two dads with four children born via surrogate!)… when it finally hit me that what I really wanted to do, was to help MAKE a family.

I pondered the idea seriously from 2019, after having my son and standing firm that I wanted no more children of my own. Then eventually in 2021, after splitting from my then partner (who wasn’t keen on the idea of surrogacy at all) and deciding to start focusing on myself and what I wanted to do with my life, I put in an application to become a surrogate.

I reconnected with my partner Kieran (who I went to school with) whilst in a GTK and he instantly became part of our team. And the rest is history!

How did you first hear about SurrogacyUK, and what drew you to us?

I joined SurrogacyUK’s Facebook group back in 2019 after researching when I first seriously started considering becoming a surrogate.

Whilst considering and waiting for my son to finish breastfeeding, I saw hundreds of posts from IPs and Surros which really demonstrated the friendship first side of surrogacy- and I realised quickly that’s what I wanted.

As an only child I’ll never experience being an Auntie, so for me the idea of becoming one to a surrobabe through the friendship first and foremost ethos, and filling that hole in my heart, was what ultimately drew me to SUK!

Previous Surrogacy Experience

You've been a surrogate before, right? Can you give us a quick snapshot of what that was like for you?

One word… magic.

It was a total rollercoaster, as the pregnancy was rough in places, I was very sick and had a lot of time off work. There were some problems with baby’s growth which had us all on edge for a long time… but she came out nearly 9lbs and was absolutely perfect, ceasing any and all worries and starting a family that had been missing her for years.

Our team really came together during the lead up to and the birth, and the post partum stage has just been magical. I have a love for my boys and their new daughter that I struggle to put into words and seeing them is always the highlight of my week now.

I’ve fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine as well as theirs and the feeling is indescribable.

What's one memory from your surrogacy journey that you think you'll never forget?

Nothing will ever top the moment she was born.

Lying on the table, drapes dropped as they lifted her out of my belly, and watching my IPs with my head tilted back… with their eyes filled with tears, one of them subconsciously put his hand on his head in pure overwhelm, and the SMILE on their faces.

The look as they saw their daughter for the first time is something I will never ever forget, and something I cry about everytime I look back at the photograph!

Transitioning to Known Egg Donation

So, what inspired you to transition from being a surrogate to becoming a known egg donor?

After my host surrogacy journey, and the pregnancy being so rough, I had made a decision not to repeat it. I can’t know if it was genetics that made me so poorly, but it was just too much of a risk for me to go through it again.

I had decided during pregnancy that I was becoming open to the idea of being a traditional surrogate next, but after my plan of having a VBAC failed and I ended up in another Caeserean, I realised looking at pregnancy again was probably off the table, at least for a few years, as my only option for further births now would be another Caeserean.

But I didn’t want to become distant from SurrogacyUK, and I didn’t feel “done” helping. After I gave birth I did feel a bit lost at first, so I started thinking about what my next steps were.. and it was there I realised egg donation seemed like the next logical thing to do!

Less commitment than a pregnancy… but still helping people achieve their dream of having a family. It was perfect!

How are you feeling as you're about to embark on this new journey?

I am SO excited. Not just for the donation itself, but for everything that comes with being a part of SUK. The idea of starting a new GTK and finding new IPs is such a buzz!!

First Impressions and Emotions

What were your initial thoughts when you decided to become a known egg donor?

Everytime I look at my son, I just think how lucky I am to have him and how much he lights up our lives.

I’m so proud of him and I figured hey, the world needs more Mateo’s, so if I can dish out some eggs and make someone else as happy as he makes me, why not?

I have no desire to have anymore children, and my eggs will just be lost down the loo each month otherwise…!

How did your close ones react when you shared the news with them?

Kieran is my biggest support, and when I told him he was immediately fully on board.

He was really happy I’d found something to look forward to without having to go through pregnancy again just yet, and he’s really excited about finding IPs too, as he didn’t get to be a part of that last time as we were already a Team when we met!

My family had reservations surrounding my first surrogacy, but towards the end and following the birth, their mindsets changed and ultimately they have all been really supportive and happy about my journey.

I think it’s the same this time round- it’s new and it will take time for them to adjust, but the more I keep talking at them about it, the more they learn and when the journey is complete, I know they’ll be proud of me.

Goals and Expectations

Is there something specific you hope to achieve or experience in your known egg donation journey?

Meeting the embryo in person with their parents is my biggest goal. I cannot wait to see the end result and know I helped to create another family.

I’m also excited for the prospect of a mega team- where we will potentially be in a team with IPs AND their surrogate!

As you're taking this step, what's the one thing you're most excited about?

Besides finding and offering to IPs, it would definitely be the competitive side of me dying to know how many eggs I end up collecting during donation and how many embryos are created!

Opening Up to the Public

What made you decide to document your journey and share it with others?

The biggest surprise I got when pregnant was the amount of people who asked “do you know the parents?”. It just demonstrated to me how much there is a lack of education on surrogacy in the UK.

People tend to view it as transactional and they seem so shocked to learn that I’m present in my surrobabe’s life and am her “Auntie Max” and will be for the rest of her life.

My goal was always to spread awareness and education. My favourite thing is hearing someone say “oh I didn’t know that!” – because I know they’ll tell someone else when they go home – and that person will tell someone else, and from there it’s creating exactly the kind of conversation I want people to have!

Plus, I’m a creative writing student with ADHD who loves a chat – so it gives me a positive outlet for all of my thoughts!!

Do you have a message or sentiment you’d like to share as we kick off this series of articles about your journey?

Strap in & ultimately, enjoy!

And please, if you learn something new… share it around!

Like I said before, my whole goal here is to share the love around what a fabulous organisation SurrogacyUK is, spread education and maybe inspire someone else to become a surrogate. Who knows, your one innocent conversation might help create a family…

Max’s courageous journey from surrogacy to known egg donation with SurrogacyUK illuminates the many ways one can contribute to the miracle of family creation. Max embodies the friendship-first ethos of SurrogacyUK and stands as an exemplar for those considering a similar path. As we accompany Max on her exciting new journey, we invite you to stay tuned for more in-depth stories and insights.

If you are inspired by Max’s story and feel that you too can make a difference, learn more about becoming a known egg donor with us at SurrogacyUK.

The journey towards family creation is multifaceted, but with individuals like Max leading the way, the path becomes that much clearer. Whether it’s surrogacy or known egg donation, each step taken is a leap towards fulfilling dreams for countless families. Stay with us as we unfold Max’s compelling story, which aims to educate, inspire, and touch hearts.