Finding Out Your Partner May Need Surrogacy to Have a Family: A Guide for New Relationships
August 2025
SurrogacyUK
Starting a new relationship can come with some big conversations. One of the most personal things your partner may share is that they cannot carry a baby themselves and may need to use a surrogate to have children in the future.
If this is something your partner has recently told you, it is completely natural to feel surprised, unsure, or overwhelmed. You may have never thought about surrogacy before or even know how it works in the UK. You might be wondering what it means for your future together, your ability to become a parent, and how it will all work in practice.
This article will guide you through what surrogacy is, how it works in the UK, why your partner might need it, and what your role can be in the journey ahead.
What Is Surrogacy and How Does It Work in the UK?
Surrogacy is when a person carries and gives birth to a baby on behalf of someone else. In the UK, surrogacy is legal, but it must be done altruistically. That means surrogates are not paid for carrying a baby, but they can be reimbursed for reasonable expenses.
There are two types of surrogacy:
Straight surrogacy, also called traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate uses their own egg and is biologically related to the child.
Host surrogacy, also called gestational surrogacy, where the surrogate has no biological link to the child. The embryo is created using the intended parents’ embryos (sometimes with donor eggs).
In all UK surrogacy arrangements, the surrogate is the legal parent at birth. The intended parents must apply to the family court for a parental order after the baby is born. This legal process transfers parenthood from the surrogate to the intended parents and is a vital part of the surrogacy journey.
Why Might Your Partner Need Surrogacy?
There are many medical reasons why someone may be unable to carry a pregnancy. Some common reasons include:
Being born without a uterus, such as in cases of MRKH syndrome
Having had a hysterectomy due to illness or medical treatment, such as cancer
Health conditions that make pregnancy dangerous or impossible
Whether your partner has known this for years or recently received the news, it can be a deeply emotional reality. Many people experience grief, loss, or fear when they realise they cannot carry a baby themselves. Sharing this with a new partner can be incredibly vulnerable, and it is likely they have taken a brave step by telling you.
Feeling Uncertain Is Normal
If you feel unsure, anxious, or full of questions right now, you are not alone. Most people do not know much about surrogacy until they find themselves in a situation where it matters.
It is okay to admit you are on a learning journey. What matters most is your willingness to listen, learn, and support your partner as you both navigate this new reality together.
Understanding Surrogacy in the UK: What Makes It Different?
Surrogacy in the UK is very different from surrogacy in some other countries. It is based on relationships and trust, rather than commercial contracts. Here are some key facts:
Surrogacy agreements are not legally binding. They are built on mutual understanding rather than legal enforcement.
Surrogates cannot be paid, though they can claim expenses such as maternity clothes, travel, and childcare.
Parental rights are transferred after the birth via a legal process called a parental order.
Intended parents build friendships with surrogates before starting their journey. Many go through non-profit organisations that support these connections and provide guidance.
Because of this, UK surrogacy often takes time and care. It is not a transaction. It is a journey that is emotional, thoughtful, and deeply personal for everyone involved.
What Might Your Partner Be Feeling?
Even if your partner is strong, positive, and informed, it is likely they are carrying a complex mix of emotions about needing surrogacy. These might include:
Sadness about not experiencing pregnancy or childbirth themselves
Worries about being seen as “less than” or “different” as a future parent
Anxiety about whether a partner will still want a future together
Fear of how to talk about this with children or family in the future
They may be wondering if you will want to stay and whether this changes how you see them. Your response can be incredibly powerful in making them feel seen, accepted, and supported.
What About Your Feelings?
Your feelings matter too. You may be thinking:
Will I still feel like the child’s parent?
How will I explain this to my family or friends?
What will the journey actually involve?
Can I imagine building a family this way?
These are all valid questions. There is no shame in needing time to process everything or asking for information to better understand what lies ahead.
How to Support Your Partner and Learn Together
Start reading trusted sources: Look at organisations like SurrogacyUK, or the government’s official guidance on surrogacy.
Talk openly and honestly: It is okay to say you do not know much yet. Your openness will go a long way.
Join a support group: Many surrogacy organisations offer spaces for intended parents, including partners, to learn from others on the same path.
Use respectful language: Avoid terms like “renting a womb” or “real mum.” Surrogacy involves real people with real feelings and dignity.
Be patient with each other: You are both learning what this could mean for your future. Take it one step at a time.
Final Thoughts
Learning that your partner may need surrogacy to become a parent can feel like a turning point. It is not the journey most people expect, but it can still be a beautiful and meaningful path to creating a family.
Your support, curiosity, and willingness to understand will mean everything to your partner. You do not need to have all the answers. You just need to be present, open, and kind.
Surrogacy in the UK is built on trust, empathy, and collaboration. If those are values you bring to your relationship, then you are already on the right track.
Want to learn more about UK surrogacy and supporting your partner?
Visit SurrogacyUK for more resources, support, and real stories from people who have been through the journey.