Max's Known Egg Donor Journey - Making a Decision
15th Jan 2024
In our latest instalment of Max’s remarkable journey through egg donation with SurrogacyUK, we delve deeper into one of the most pivotal and personal aspects of her experience: the selection of the intended parents.
This decision is not only a significant milestone in the egg donation process, but it’s also a deeply emotional and thoughtful one, reflecting the profound impact of Max’s generosity.
Join us as Max opens up about her journey, sharing insights into how she navigated this crucial choice, the emotions involved, and what lies ahead as she continues to tread this path of kindness and hope
Learn more about becoming a known egg donor here.
Can you describe your thought process in deciding who you would donate your eggs to?
For us, the key factors were someone we trusted to have a relationship with us for life. My family, myself, and my son will all be blood related to this baby and so we need to trust that this person won’t up and leave or ghost us the second they get what they want (although this is incredibly rare in SUK as it is!). And one of the key factors was that they got on with my son, and accepted and were happy with the idea that he’s autistic. I’m autistic and there’s a chance the eggs might carry a predisposition to ASD.
Did you have specific criteria or qualities you were looking for in the intended parents?
I was open to gay couples, single gay men, straight couples and just about everything in between! I wanted my eggs to go to the right person or people, not specifically a target in my mind. I was definitely more open to the idea however of helping a single IP. I feel like they can often get left in the background as a solo, and doing this journey alone is so brave. From there I had a couple of people in mind, but already had a previous connection with Mel through two of our best friends within SurrogacyUK so I decided to explore this.
Was there a particular moment or aspect that made you feel a certain intended parent(s) was the right choice?
We met Mel at one of his Surrogacy socials in London, and from there spoke on WhatsApp which evolved into a group chat with my partner too and the connection grew. I knew within about a week that Mel was the one, but I had to wait for all of my KED results to be done and dusted first which was such a hard wait!
How did SurrogacyUK assist you in the process of choosing the intended parents?
SurrogacyUK have profiles to read, and although by the time I offered and looked through the profile in full I probably knew everything in it as we knew Mel so well already, it was still beautiful to read. It feels like such a privilege reading a profile that people have sunk their heart and soul into for their future children.
Emotionally, how did you feel about choosing the intended parent(s)?
We were confident about Mel from day 1 really, so the only emotional bit for us was hearing how long he’d waited and how hard it was whilst knowing we wanted to offer but couldn’t say anything yet! Listening to him pour his heart out on the group chat and talk about the family he wanted knowing we could help and couldn’t say yet was super difficult!
How important was communication in your decision-making process?
If you were to look in the group chat, you’d see most of our daily comms involve 11 minute voice notes bouncing back to each other. The nice thing is, Mel and myself are both neurodivergent (and suspect my other half is), so lucky we’re all on a level field when it comes to levels of communication and it’s been really easy and nobody has ever had to push for more. We talk daily, voice note and we video call usually about once a week. And that was before we’d even offered!! It’s only ramped up since we became a Team.
How do you feel about the potential impact your decision will have on the lives of the intended parent(s) and the child?
I’m in awe. I remember getting emotional one time as Mel sent me a video over Christmas where he hosted a gingerbread decorating afternoon for his friends and family in Italy where he lives part time. And there were SO many people in his flat, drinking mulled wine, decorating their cookies, enjoying his company. And I just thought “wow, this baby will be SO lucky to have Mel and this amazing extended family in Italy to grow up around, what an honour to donate an egg to such an amazing unit of people”. I’m so happy I get to be a part of making Mel a dad.
Based on your experience, what advice would you give to other egg donors who are in the process of choosing intended parents?
Go with your heart. Go with the person you connect with and you’ll know immediately. We did and we couldn’t be luckier to have Mel.
Now that you have chosen the intended parent(s), what are the next steps in your egg donation journey?
I think the next step is clinic involvement. I originally said a 6 months no clinic involvement getting to know period whilst I settle into my new job etc, but I have said we should book in for a scan soon to check everything is in working order after my last pregnancy and another Caeserean, just so we know I’m in good health.
What are your thoughts and feelings as you move forward with the next phase of this journey?
I can’t wait. I wish I could just pick them out and give them to him now. I wish I could give him the whole fully grown baby frankly!! But time will tell and I have no doubt in him finding a surrogate because they would be SO lucky to have an IP like Mel.
As we close this chapter of Max’s inspiring journey, we’re reminded of the profound impact one person’s choice can make in the lives of others.
Max’s thoughtful approach in selecting the intended parents highlights the depth of consideration and care that goes into known egg donation.
As Max steps forward into the next phase of her journey, we eagerly anticipate following her progress and sharing her continued experiences with our SurrogacyUK community.
Revisit the beginning of Max’s journey here.