Thoughts about a sibling project

In December 2015 my wife Elle and I received the most precious and amazing Christmas present imaginable. In fact, until it happened it probably wasn’t actually imaginable as we never thought we would have the privilege of becoming parents. Fourteen months after ‘Team Wonderland’ was created our beautiful baby boy Fynlo was born thanks to our inspirational surrogate, Anna, and her three beautiful daughters. 

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Nearly four years have raced by and life is now one big blur of wonderful chaos! Being parents to the most caring, funny, crazy, beautiful little boy is a dream come true despite the fact that we both feel exhausted pretty much all the time. Every day brings something new to laugh at and memories made to cherish forever. 

Elle and I are so thankful for our family and our ongoing relationship with our extended surro family. We really are blessed to be in the position we are in. We have gone from never thinking we would have our own children to learning each day how to muddle through parenthood. Despite feeling so fortunate we often wonder if our family is fully complete or if there is room for an extra little person; an additional little terror to wrestle with daddy or play Spiderman with Mummy. 

We feel slightly awkward thinking this. On the one hand we feel we should count our blessings and we really appreciate that there are so many people that would give anything to have what we have. On the other hand we have seen pretty much all our friends add to their first born with a sibling. We have seen how families have grown and new relationships and dynamics have evolved. 

Our friends often tell us how much more difficult it is having two. None of them mean to be insensitive but they don’t realise how much we would love to experience the extra chaos, the additional sleepless nights and the inevitable fighting that a sibling would bring. We see how much Fynlo loves being around his friends’ brothers and sisters and we can’t help but feel that he would be the most awesome big brother ever! 

He is such a happy and caring little boy and at the moment he loves being with Mummy and Daddy and of course there is always Betty the Dog for him to create mischief with but we can’t help but wonder what life would be like with two little menaces terrorising us. Which one of us would they be most like? Would they sleep well? Would they be healthy? Would our wonderful dynamic be changed for the better? Or could it change for the worse? Are we ever going to be lucky enough to find a second miracle family willing to open their hearts and homes to help us on our way?

The thought of considering a sibling project almost feels like an unfair gamble where we could risk changing the amazing life we have, but is that not what all parents think? Do ‘normal’ parents feel guilty for considering having a sibling? We don’t know the answers to these (and millions more!) questions but we always said we would try and add to our family so that when Fynlo inevitably gets older and asks questions we can honestly look him in the eye and say we tried and it didn’t work for whatever reason, or (hopefully) we can tell him the story of how he became a big brother. 

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With that in mind we decided to embark on a sibling project and the possibility of completing our family. The pressure was off in many respects and we knew that whatever happened we were in such a privileged position. In June this year we were delighted to learn that we had successfully made 5 frozen blastocysts which are now safely tucked up in the freezer. When Fynlo was born he was literally our only chance as we only had one embryo (which makes him even more special to us!). This time though it feels almost like an ironic twist of fate…we have 5 blastocysts but we are not currently in a team. Anna really wanted to help us again which once again demonstrates what an amazing person she is. However, she has been advised by her GP that the time is not right for her and she has her own exciting adventures to look forward to which we look forward to being a part of. 

Fynlo is, and always will be, our utmost priority and at the forefront of everything we do, we want to enjoy our precious time together and he has a busier social calendar then the two of us put together. This does, at times, make attending socials difficult and we aren’t always able to do so but remain fully committed and hope to plan our own social in 2020. We love bringing Fynlo along to meet everyone and it’s always so inspiring meeting up with friends past, present and future in the SurrogacyUK community where people always just seem that much nicer than in any other walk of life somehow. We continue to live in hope that one day we may pique someone’s interest who may feel they want to welcome our little trio (plus fur babies) into their world, I just hope they don’t mind our slightly warped sense of humour?!

Whatever happens we are committed to taking Fynlo to socials so he can meet other children who have a shared story and we can help support other IP wherever we can. Elle and I are in a wonderful position that we have the most amazing family and that we have extended this with the many incredible people we’ve been fortuitous enough to meet and continue to meet since embracing the incredible SurrogacyUK community. We would truly love to complete our family and hope that one day Fynlo can be the amazing big brother we are certain he would be. 

 

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