Waiting for ‘The Call’ – our surrogates share their experiences

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At SurrogacyUK, when a surrogate wants to get to know Intended Parents better, she asks our Admin Manager to make ‘The Call’. This event is talked of by IPs with a mixture of excitement, hope and nervousness, but they’re not the only ones anxiously checking their phones! Some of our surrogates share how they felt about ‘The Call’ below.

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“After asking Dawn to make the call, I felt so nervous! Even though we had all got on so well every time we had spent time together, I kept thinking what if the distance is too far? What if they hadn’t felt the same click we did? I had just convinced myself they would say no when I got the amazing call back from Dawn with their yes!! It was a very exciting but a nerve wracking couple of hours!!”

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 “After asking for the call to be made my hubby and I were so excited we couldn’t sleep that night. We found ourselves wide awake at 3am drinking tea in bed. We felt like we had asked someone to marry us! Then I became full of self doubt. I checked my profile and re-read it through the IP’s eyes, hoping that there was enough information there to get across that we had similar values. I didn’t get a proper nights sleep until we had received the answer and the IP had messaged.”

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 “Whilst waiting for the call with both sets of our IPs, various things crossed my mind. I just tried to trust that HOPE is the only thing stronger than the FEAR! I didn’t know what the future was but surely hoped they were a part of it! The future is as bright as the FAITH of waiting! Agony!”

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 “When I asked for The Call to be made I felt so sick with nerves, but was also bursting with excitement. The idea of making a couple a family and also being a step closer to my dream of being a surrogate. It didn’t help that one of my IPs were away, so I had to wait till the next day for an answer. It was the longest 24hrs ever! I had convinced myself that they were going to say no, mainly because we hadn’t yet met in person even though we had spoken loads on the boards. I was also preparing myself for bad news so that I wouldn’t be disappointed.  Dawn called back the next day and told me they had said “yes!”… I was gobsmacked to say the least! Surprised, overjoyed, excited, shocked, thrilled! I actually couldn’t believe it. I dived into conversation with my IPs immediately and we were all as excited about the future as each other. It’s like we had known each other forever, and we all shared the same dream!”

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 “I was so excited and nervous, hubby and I had only met them once but we knew straight away they were “the ones”. I was wondering why it was taking so long to get an answer and I worried that it was because they were thinking it over and might say no. (We weren’t even waiting very long, only a couple of hours, but it felt like forever!) When Dawn came back to us that they said yes I was so ecstatic, I was shaking!”

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 “I felt extremely nervous waiting for them to say yes or no. You want them to like your profile as much as you like theirs. Is it taking so long because they want to let you down gently? Do they have somebody else in mind? Are you what they are looking for in a surrogate? Scared about making the right choice, sad about the other IP who are getting left behind due to the call being made.”

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 “I emailed Dawn (foolishly) at 17:05 on the Friday before a bank holiday weekend. Cue an incredibly long, agonising, worrisome, exciting and anticipatory weekend. Why I decided that emailing her on May bank holiday was a good idea I have no idea! I’d met my IPs back in March and when I walked out of the door of my first social, I knew in my heart that they were the ones for me. I denied myself and tried to rationalise my thinking, but my every thought came back to them. We struck up conversation on the boards, and I travelled 3 hours to a social just to meet them again!

I finally asked Dawn to make The Call.

One hour after my email….”it’s okay, it’s Friday night and Dawn must have finished for the night”

5 hours after my email….”nope, definitely finished for the night, maybe she’ll be working Saturday.”

Day one after my email (Saturday)…”hmmmm, she mustn’t work Saturdays”, I must have checked my emails 10 times that day.

Day 2 after my email (Sunday)…”oh god, my email didn’t go through. Has she made the call yet? Why the hell did I email on a Friday? Eeek, I’m so excited to see if they want me, this is going to be ace!”

Day 3 after my email (Monday)…”Right. Does Dawn work Bank Holidays? Oh no! What if she’s made The Call and they don’t want me. They don’t like me, oh my life I’m so horrible. I really like them and now they don’t want me”. Again, I must have checked my emails a dozen times that day.

Day 4 after my email (Tuesday)…10am -“that’s it. Why did I even bother, they don’t want me and I shouldn’t have offered. Maybe my email didn’t go through, maybe she’s out for the day. Is she on holiday? Has she made The Call yet?

5pm – OMG OMG OMG! They like me! They want to be my friend too! They accepted my offer! Oh thank goodness, thank you so much Dawn!

I went through a whole range of emotions waiting over that weekend. Giddy excitement, overwhelming dread, stupendous joy, and that was only the first step in my journey, there’s a whole range of emotions still to come.”

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“Wow where do I start? After spending months of talking things through with my family and finally making our decision, we asked for The Call to be made. I had a message to say The Call was being made right now and that’s when the nerves and excitement kicked in. I felt a little sick!

What if they decided they didn’t like me? Thought my profile was awful? Decided they didn’t want to be friends anymore after hanging out at socials, catching up and laughing lots together?

I heard back that due to work commitments, they wouldn’t be able to talk things through and look at my profile together until the next morning at the earliest. So, the agonising waiting began!

Within an hour the phone rang. I was asked am I ready. I replied ‘Let me sit down first’ expecting it to be a no as they came back so quickly and also because I was shaking so much. That’s when I was told they had said yes and they would love to GTK me and my family. At that moment I realised I’d been holding my breath and let out a few expletives, as well as taking a breath. Then I was told to get off the phone as they were calling me in the next few minutes. I was so happy I could have burst into tears right there and then. I managed to answer the phone with such great happiness and excitement as well as a few tears. I must have sounded a lot crazy but they also expressed their joy, shock, delight, happiness and did I say shock, to have received an offer of a GTK from me.”

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“The thing about surrogacy is that it requires so much more thought and consideration than most decisions in life. The opportunity to take people from being a couple to potentially being parents. The chance at being that spark that creates the roaring fire of a family, with all that brings.

I’m an overthinker at the best to times so choosing which couple to help make a family was thought about over and over, would they ‘get’ me? Would they be fun to be around? will they appreciate my husband and kids as much as me on the journey?

For me I had to meet the couple in person, not once, not twice but several times to know it felt right. Putting yourself out there as a surrogate is a huge risk, that fear the people whom you have invested so much of your headspace in could turn around and say ‘no’, would be incredibly heartbreaking but by the point you are ready to offer you are also ready for them to say no. If it doesn’t feel right for them you don’t want them just to go along with it. After all, SurrogacyUK is about friendship first and if it doesn’t feel right you actually don’t want them to go along with it just because you’re an ‘available surrogate’ it’s got to be more than that!? So those moments after the call has gone into Dawn are incredibly vulnerable ones but the feeling when you get a ‘yes’ is one of true elation.”

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“I was so nervous about emailing to ask the IP to GTK.

It felt a little like back in school when you ask your friend to go ask a boy you fancy if he likes you back… but 100x more nerve wracking.

We met at the conference and I knew immediately that she 100% was the person I wanted to help. After a couple of days really thinking everything over and summoning up the nerves,  I asked Dawn to make the call… I have never felt so many emotions… predominately excitement as I knew it felt right and I loved her to bits.. but also fear of rejection.. What if she didn’t feel the same? Even worse what if she didn’t even remember me… maybe she would think I had rushed into it and wasn’t taking it seriously enough as I’d only been a member for a week..  Perhaps my expenses were a little high and she wondered if my reasons for surrogacy were genuine and altruistic. Perhaps I lived too far away. Did my profile give her a true reflection of me or did I say something that would really put her off?

If I’m honest I think I was hoping that she felt the same spark I did when we met and would decide off her gut feeling.

When I received Dawn’s email confirming that it was a yes I was absolutely thrilled. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else for about a week.

We are over 3 weeks into our GTK and it is going great. Our phone calls last over an hour.. yesterday we spoke for over 2.5 hrs going over the agreement form making sure we were on the same page.. which we were!”

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“When I was waiting for the call to be made, there was a combination of excitement and nerves. I knew we had got on so well at the conference and then their social two weeks later but I still kept thinking, what if? What if I’m not the surrogate for them? I was only waiting 10 minutes for a reply but it felt like a lifetime and when Dawn called to say it was a yes, I was elated and so was my husband!”

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“The wait was agonising I felt nervous a little stressed about what the answer could be, I flicked the kettle on two or three times forgetting to make a cuppa, paced the halls of my house and refreshed my emails what felt like a million times. Many things darted through my head, I was new, they’d never met me, it was hard I tried not to get my hopes up. Dawn’s first email back was to say they were away for the weekend and she was having trouble reaching them, I resigned to the thought I wouldn’t know until Monday now, it was 3pm and I knew Dawn finished at 4pm so thought I wouldn’t know, I relaxed a little after that but still refreshed emails like a women possessed. I had my support surro keeping me calm and also watching her emails too as she was being copied in. Ping! Dawn’s email came in not too long after the first one,  and I read the first 6 lines thinking they’d said no, then read the line “it was a big fat yes” I swore out loud, cried a bit, swore some more. Nerve-racking wait for sure but I was so happy I didn’t stop smiling for hours after.”

 

 

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